Poly Jealousy




The other day I was talking with Sir on the subject of jealousy, specifically the feelings involved with watching or knowing that your loved one is having sex with someone else. This is something that comes up a lot in polyamory.

My lovely wife of ten years is asexual, towards me at any rate. She does not desire sex. She is affectionate, warm, loves to cuddle and be intimate, but she does not desire orgasms or any sexual act, at least with me. When we first opened our marriage five years ago, she did try out a relationship with a guy who lived in another part of the state several hours drive away. She went away for a four day weekend to spend some time with him. After she returned home we went for our usual afternoon walk and I asked her how things went. She said that she had a good time. I asked her if she had sex with him and she said that they did. I asked her if she enjoyed it and she said that she did. I asked if she was planning to see him again and she said yes, which I encouraged her to do and to invite her new boyfriend to come to our place to visit if they wanted.

While she was telling me all this I was processing my own feelings about what happened. My significant other had sex with another guy and enjoyed it. Sex with me usually had her waiting for me to hurry up and finish, as it was just a big physical chore to her. Despite all of my attempts to "Please" her, nothing I did ever seemed to get her fired up like all of the other lovers I have ever had. To me, pleasing my partner is the goal, not fucking to cum in five minutes. So here is the realization that I can't please my wife and some other guy can.

In the conventional monogamous world this is a relationship killer. If I had to spend the rest of my life exclusively with someone who didn't enjoy having sex with me, I would be looking to get out. But I think that I am made to be polyamorous and that is what has saved the relationship with my wife. As my wife was telling me about how she enjoyed having sex with this other guy, my emotions went from curiosity about the guy, what he did differently than me, what they looked like while having sex, visualizing that in my mind like watching a porn film, imaging her being raptured in ecstasy, and coming to the feelings of happiness and joy for her. She got to experience a wonderful human experience that everyone should have in their life and even though it didn't come from me it wasn't prevented from happening because of me.  

We have a wonderful together doing many activities together on the weekends and going on trips together. We cuddle in bed every night. We hold hands when we walk. We just don't have sex and we want each other to be happy, so that means allowing each other the space to go do that with others. Unfortunately, she only saw her friend a couple of times and then broke up and has not dated anyone since, and has not made any effort to "get out there" like I have.

But what about the situation for some where they are playing with their significant other and other people at the same time? I have not had that experience but I think I would do well with it. I can understand how it could be a bigger issue for others so I respect that. For me, sex can be a lot like dancing. My wife loves to dance, I can't dance. I'm perfectly happy to let her dance with someone else on the dance floor all night and would enjoy watching her enjoy herself. In the end, she will go home with me.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Foursome!

Image
I recently achieved a few long standing goals of mine all in one night, and it was one of the best experiences I have had in my life (so far). I had a BDSM bisexual foursome! It all started a few months ago when I was perusing the Craigslist personals on a rare whim. Most of the time I have done this I either don't find what I am looking for or something that sounds great is too far away geographically, so I never set my expectations high when looking at ads. Mostly I do it for amusement or the offhand chance that I might find that gem of the right fit for me. Well, this was the latter. I found an ad of a couple that sounded like a good fit for me and they listed specific criteria that was a close match for me. I answered the ad, heard back from the male half of the couple and we started corresponding back and forth, then met for a walk and chat. Sir is a Dom who is bisexual. He has a stocky build, nice eyes, killer smile, and a very nice grounded personality. His girlfriend
Read more

Thoughts On Subbing

Image
Ah, to be a sub.....           I just recently spent a night and a day with my tribe of kinky perverted people, doing the things that kinky perverted people do. If you have read earlier posts to this blog then you know that I have had profound, life-changing experiences with my tribe. This time was no different. It just gets better and better each time we get together.   I've been away from my tribe for several months, moved to a rural isolated community for a job. With schedules being tight, and me being a 3 hour drive even further away than I was before, getting together with my tribe has been a challenge but the planets aligned and I was able to come down on a Friday night and stay until Saturday evening.  Unfortunately for us, one of our fellow sluts decided to leave the tribe to pursue other sexual interests, so we were one slut short of a foursome but our threesomes are pretty fucking awesome. I got there late in the evening after having worked all day then driving
Read more

I Built A New Queening Stool

Image
A few years ago I built a Queening Stool after seeing one used in some porn and wanting to try it myself. I didn't have plans to work from, I just used my imagination and put together this: The strings you see in the middle of the frame cradle the head of the sub to hold their face up to the hole. I later added in a couple of cleats to tie off the strings, allowing for adjustability. I took it to my tribe and we played with it....and have had much fun! It is very comfortable for both the sub and the Queen or King sitting on it. The sub is laying flat on their back with the head supported, the sub's body exposed to whatever the Dom wishes. I recently met a couple who enjoyed seeing the pictures of it in use on my Dom's Fetlife profile @Sir2sub  and they expressed a desire to have one. I thought about how to put one together with the scrap materials that I have laying around and realized that it wouldn't be that hard to do, so here we go. First step is to gather
Read more